In Memory of Stef Wittenberg

The last couple of days have been troublesome ones. Various things have occured which I have completely forgotten about and I'm not gonna really talk about.

But yah, on Saturday night, Ross came over to help me with ideas for my sermon for the next morning. That's when I got an eMail, from Stef's dad, who told me she had been in a car accident with her friends the day before. Stef and her friend Luke, were killed, and Amanda has severe brain damage and things don't look good. Lori is not so badly hurt, but is still in hospital.

I completely fell apart right here, in front of the computer. God had brought Ross over to mine for a reason, cos otherwise I would've been alone in the house. I cried for the next 3 hours, I wept, heavily, until I was all cried out for the night.

I only started writing up my sermon about 1am. It was hard, and everything I wrote, made me think of Stef, and what she'd think of it. I got through it, and on Sunday morning I preached at Bearsted Community Church for 40 minutes on God's Will For Our Lives. I think I gave them a sense of urgency to do God's work, as I gave testament to Stef's life.

I cried a lot that day, yesterday, I was totally torn apart. When I wasn't crying, I was thinking about what it all meant, and how that was God's will and purpose for her life. And to be honest, I had a lot of trouble with all that stuff, like some Bible verses, but God's really helped me with those. I have been comforted by many, although, I still lack an inner peace about it. Am I grieving right? I'm not sure. But maybe I don't want to be all cheery and back to my old self. I'm not a sulker, it's just I can't seem to get her out of my mind. I keep picturing how she looked and how she felt as she was dying in that car. It makes me stop and think.

Every 5 seconds I recall things we spoke about, and planned for this year. I remember one conversation we had, where I made her talk in an English accent and say 'The water in Majorca, don't taste like what it ought ta', and 'The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain' just like in My Fair Lady. She was soo rubbish! heh.

One of her last online journal entries warned me that her dad wanted to contact me to get my phone number so he could ring my parents, to see if I was a bad boy and to see if his daughter would be in safe hands when staying at my house the night before Capernwray started. That's what I thought the eMail was gonna be about when I saw a message from Gordon Wittenberg, entitled 'Re: Stef Wittenberg'. So yah, I wasn't ready for what I was about to read. I guess Stef got to be in safer hands a little earlier. I guess she's always been in safe hands.