Oww! My Freakin' Eye Hurts!

So I've been playing a little bit for the Sportsreach soccer team which flew over from England last week for their Austria tour, and we played Schladming last night.
So, during the match I got hit in the eye pretty hard as I turned towards the ball, but right before that, a guy put his finger in my left eye and hooked it out, so when it was hit, the front of the cornea was scraped pretty bad and I had to be taken to hospital. But they weren't sure about internal bleeding in my head and stuff even though they did a few x-rays on my skull to check for skull fractures. So they ambulanced me over to Salzburg, which was nice, although I had like the worst headache ever, and I got sent to an eye specialist, who had to anaesthetize my eye, and I was like, 'no way am I gonna let you stick that needle in my eyeball! Is there any other way?' and the doc was like, 'yeah, there's this other stuff which I can drip in but it's gonna burn your eye out of your socket!' So I was like, 'Ok' and took that instead. Half a minute later I was writhing in agony whilst the eye doctor was cowering in some corner (i think). Anyways, they pumped loadsa drugs and stuff into my eye, (i think to widen my pupil or sumthin), and I'm eye-patched up now which is nice. My friend Jon who's an artist, drew this eye and eyebrow on my patch and made it cross-eyed, and nobody can seem to look me in the face without laughing. It'll hopefully heal before I arrive. I'm pretty confident about that. Oh and yeah, I forgot to tell ya, that my jaw got dislocated by the umpact, but I put my face against a wall and I got it knocked back in, so it's ok now, just a little bruised.
Feel free to post this story to everyone if you think it's not inappropriate.
Anyways, the right side of Austria is great, as for the left side, well, I can't see it right now unless I turn my head.